'I'm failing' and 'I'm so nervous about the future' were thoughts that frequently went through my mind - if I wasn't on my feet doing things at the speed of light, I'd frankly feel like a bum. Like me, you've probably had it drummed into you that we should be 'focusing on and preparing for our future' since day one of our GCSEs, and while I agree with that to some extent, I feel like there's nothing wrong with focusing on and appreciating what you've got right now. It's something I've got really good at lately, and I've been a lot happier because of it.
Obviously, it goes without saying that being ambitious is an appealing trait to have as a person. Setting yourself goals (career, personal or otherwise) can be a huge motivation to get stuff done, and can provide that kick up the bum that's sometimes so needed (I'd know all about that) - but sometimes I feel like the pressure to achieve them can cause so much anxiety that just doesn't need to be there. I can tell you first hand that being a university drop-out didn't help in that department whatsoever. It was a dark time for me when I made the decision to quit - I wasn't happy there, and I wasn't happy out of there. I felt like I was at a dead end and it took me forever to finally find myself a job - and even then I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that it's a world away from where I want to be.
However, this all changed the moment I realised that, actually, I'm doing okay. Alright, so I haven't got a degree *yet.* So what? So I'm not in my dream job. Really, who is at the age of twenty? I literally have my whole life to do both of these things. I mean, of course I'm not saying that I'd be comfortable with staying where I am forever, but that where I am isn't a bad place for me at all right now; I'm earning myself a little living, working towards being where I want to be, I'm with the most wonderful boyfriend who I'm dead happy with, I've got big plans and lots to look forward to - and I'm just enjoying being young. To me, that already sounds like a pretty promising future, doesn't it?
I know it's going to take a lot of hard work to get to exactly where I want to be, and it's also going to take a lot of time - and that's something I don't want to waste too much more of by worrying about it. I want to look forward to my future, not be afraid of it - and if there's anything I've learned recently, it's that life actually has a funny way of working itself out. So from now on, I'm going to let the everything happens for a reason thing do its thing - and I'm just going to focus on enjoying living in the moment rather than having my head stuck in the future.
Katie X